Icing on the Cake

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About 18 months ago I was sitting at my desk in a dead end marketing job. The company had just been sold and I knew I was on the chopping block. Before the sale I was bored out of my skull; after the sale I was a zombie, counting the minutes before I could go home each night. A girl can only stare into space for so long. I had to do something so I decided to write a story to pass the time. Before I knew it I had 100 pages and sent them to a friend for her opinion. She finished reading it in record time and asked, "What happens next?" Next? I didn't know. I hadn't written it yet! But I was hooked and in eight weeks I had a 400 page book with a beginning, middle and end! My friend loved the story and encouraged me to "do something with it." So I did. I self-published my very first novel, What if I Fly? in June 2015. 

I honestly didn't think anyone but (maybe) my friends would read it. In my head I had a very specific demographic; women my age from Bristol, Rhode Island who read romance novels. How many could there possibly be? But I had paid an editor and wanted to recoup my expenses, so with a great deal of trepidation, I announced the news to my 350 Facebook friends and posted the link to Amazon (you know...just in case someone wanted to actually buy it). I held my breath and watched in wonder over the following weeks as people purchased my novel. Not just friends and family, but perfect strangers from near and far; men and women, young and old. For some reason, my book appealed to a much broader audience than I ever imaged. 

Despite spending the previous ten years in marketing selling products and services, I had NO CLUE how to sell myself. Fortunately, I didn't have to do much in the beginning. Other than build a website and create a Facebook author page, I let word of mouth do the work for me. I was interviewed by the local paper, my book was a 'featured beach read' on The Rhode Show, I've had readings at libraries and bookstores. The reviews on Amazon and Goodreads are largely positive. The local stores kept selling out and the college kid who works at Barrington Books said, "I've never seen anything like it! People keep coming in asking for your book!" Fabulous! 

The boon lasted about three months and while my first book is still selling, it's at a much...much slower rate. Word of mouth only goes so far! It's time to build my 'author platform' and I'm learning as I go. 

I wrote my second novel over the summer and after two rounds of revisions, it's being released in February. What a different experience this has been! When I wrote my first book, I didn't worry whether people would like it. I wrote it solely for me. Starting my second book, I worried how it would compare to my first, wanting the readers who loved What if I Fly? to love As it Seems. Pressure! I realized rather quickly I had to write this book for myself as well. It taps into some pretty raw experiences and emotions, but I loved writing it as much as the first, and if my readers love it too...well, that's the icing on the cake. 

 

The Writing Demons

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Last night I started writing my third book in thirteen months. That's a lot of writing. When I finished my second novel a couple of weeks ago, I promised myself I would take a little time off before I began the next one. Maybe catch up on some reading, spend time with the family, focus my attention on school, clean the house. It's gotten rather dusty in here over the past few months! 

When I'm deep into the writing process...everything else falls by the wayside. And I can't afford to do that right now! I have three children, two graduate classes, tons of homework, an internship, tutoring, book signings, meetings. I don't have time to get sucked into another imaginary world of my own creation. And that's exactly what's happening. Again. Quite by accident.

I'm blaming the waitress for this one.

On my way home from grad class last night, I decided to stop by Eli's Kitchen for some chowder. I sat at the bar, quietly reading a magazine while the air around me buzzed with conversation. The restaurant was packed and my stomach was grumbling, enticed by the delicious smells wafting from the kitchen. I've never minded going places alone. Restaurants, movies, plays, concerts, traveling to new places. I'm pretty good company! But once in a while I get a little lonely as I watch the couples around me, interacting, sharing stories, sharing their lives. That niggling sense of loneliness was creeping toward me last night.

And then the waitress approached me.

She smiled and asked if I was the author who was in the restaurant a few weeks ago. "Did you write What if I Fly?" she asked. My eyes flew open, taken aback. I didn't remember her serving me, nor do I remember discussing my book with anyone at the restaurant, but somehow she knew. So I said yes, and she was so excited! She told me she bought my book the next morning and read it in two days, gushing how much she loved my story and couldn't wait for the sequel.

I thanked her and sat back against my bar stool, staring into the kitchen and then broke my promise to myself. No need to feel lonely, I thought as I rifled through my bag and pulled out the Moleskin notebook I keep with me at all times (just in case). There are people to be met inside my head! How convenient! I opened the blank notebook and stared at the empty page for all of thirty seconds before putting pen to paper and another story was born. I had a very loose concept for my third book brewing in my head, but as I sat there, the story unfolded on its own, and before I knew it I'd become acquainted with a whole family of characters. I wasn't alone. I was surrounded by new friends and family. In the space of an hour, I'd been sucked into the vortex of this new world, already consumed with their lives.  

Something has taken hold of me. I'm possessed by the writing demons. It's as if I'm trying to reach the light at the end of the tunnel, only to discover the tunnel never ends. There is always another story to be written, more characters to create. And when I'm not writing a story...I feel kind of lost. Purposeless. And anxious. I have forgotten how to relax! I'm beginning to think I've forgotten how to truly live. 

Do I write at the expense of my own life or does writing enrich it? I don't know anymore. Writing is a solitary process but the product I create is for the masses. It means a lot to me to know my stories bring enjoyment to others. But I'm not getting any younger. I've stayed out of the dating game for the past couple of years. I mean...why bother dating when I can write a better romance than I've experienced in reality? The simple answer is...I can love what I write, but it can never love me back. What I'm writing isn't real.

My goal this time around is to achieve balance between fantasy and reality. It may take me four months to write this book (versus the two it normally takes) but I've got some living of my own to do, and only one way to do it. Close this computer and get to it.

 

 

Saying Goodbye...and Other Thoughts

I am grieving. In the past four months, I've had to say goodbye to Will and Julia and the world I created for them. Now it's time to bid farewell to Libby and Truman, at least for the next few weeks. I miss them all. Each and every one of them. Even Avery. In creating these characters, I live inside their heads for months, they become my friends...my family. So, when I type the words 'The End' I want to cry. What will I ever do without them?

"Writing is my time machine, takes me to the precise time and place I belong." ~Jeb Dickerson

Believe me when I tell you my life is very full. Between my children, graduate school, friends, family obligations, publicizing my first book, preparing for book readings, interviews, meetings with other authors (and let's not forget annoying little things like cooking, exercising, showering, grocery shopping, cleaning, laundry) I'm a very busy gal! 

"Writing became such a process of discovery that I couldn't wait to get to work in the morning: I wanted to know what I was going to say." ~Sharon O'Brien

FULL. Bursting at the seams! My cup runneth over! It's a miracle I find the time to write at all! But I do. I make the time. Writing has wrapped its tentacles around me and I'm happy in its embrace. Even when I'm not sitting in front of the computer, I'm absorbing my surroundings, jotting down ideas for the book I'm working on, or the one I'm planning to write.

"Write down the thoughts of the moment. Those that come unsought for are commonly the most valuable." ~Francis Bacon

I've discovered it is indeed possible to live two lives at once, despite claims to the contrary. One in which I steal snippets, observations from real life, and incorporate them into the fantasy life which consumes most of my waking (and sleeping) hours.

"Writing, I think, is not apart from living. Writing is a kind of double living. The writer experiences everything twice. Once in reality and once in that mirror which waits always before or behind." ~Catherine Drinker Bowen

It's an obsession really, and I'm sure some would say, not a particularly healthy one. But who are they to judge? I alternate between living in the clouds, and dealing with reality. I prefer the clouds. Who doesn't?

"The story I am writing exists, written in absolutely perfect fashion, some place, in the air. All I must do is find it, and copy it." ~Jules Renard

Years of therapy lead me to question the motivation behind my taking such a keen interest in the lives of imaginary people. Do I have a God complex? Do I merely enjoy being able to pull the strings and decide the fate of the characters I create? Or does it indicate a desire for control in a world in which I have very little? Maybe it's a little bit of both.

"You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you." ~Ray Bradbury

I lose myself in another world when I sit at the computer and write. Escapism. Absolutely, positively, an escape from reality. Or does that world become my reality? It sure feels like it while I'm there. Maybe a person has to be a little bit crazy to be a writer?

"Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia." ~E.L. Doctorow

There are worse ways I could spend my time. Other people find escape from reality with drugs, alcohol, sex, television, eating and a myriad of other activities. At least I'm creating something while I'm escaping the confines of my life. Not only do I get to live in another world, I feel purposeful, creative and competent while I'm there.

"To withdraw myself from myself has ever been my sole, my entire, my sincere motive in scribbling at all." ~Lord Byron

Reading the quotes above, I see I'm in good company. If love is a wise form of madness...so too is the process of writing. By doing so, I've made wonderful friends, traveled to glorious places, experienced all consuming passion and survived the depths of despair. And when our story is complete, I have to move on and say goodbye.

Sounds an awful lot like real life to me.

So, yes. I mourn the loss of the characters I've grown to love as I begin my love affair with the next book. I could sit around and watch the boob tube, or go scrub a toilet...but there are new characters to meet, places to visit, worlds to create...the fates of which I hold in my hands, at the tips of my fingers.

Not a bad way to spend a Sunday night. ;)